The year 2020 has been marred by extreme turmoil and heaviness throughout the world. The new decade opened with a pandemic outbreak caused by COVID-19, a deadly virus that has infected over 9 million people and killing almost half a million worldwide to date. We have been in a 4-month global lock-down with mandatory physical distancing rules, stay-at-home orders, and the shut down of non-essential businesses to quarantine. Our US economy has almost halted to a complete standstill nearing collapse. Many have lost their jobs and with little to no government support, are struggling to survive without knowing if they can afford even the basic necessities of life, such as food, water, and housing. Many haven’t seen their family and friends during this lock-down period and are living in isolation with fear of becoming infected while trying to stop the spread of the disease.
Simultaneously, another systemic virus just as lethal, if not worst, called racial oppression, has bled out and erupted with the echos felt across the world over Breonna Taylor and George Floyd’s death, whose black lives tragically ended at the vicious hands of brutal cops. Like a broken record, the world has seen and heard enough. Protests, riots, and looting have explode, ignited against police brutality and the oppressor, but muddled by extremists and opportunists taking advantage of these political movements. There have been weeks where Gee and I feared for our lives—taking cover behind the bed-frame and dressers in our loft, in hopes, we would be shielded if gunfire were to break out between the looters and police. At the same time, we prayed the anarchists would show mercy and not destroy our building if they decided to target our neighborhood.
Furthermore, we are in a tug-a-war between a deep political divide of radical conservative and liberal philosophies. And unfortunately, our world leaders and institutions are ever more divisive, untrustworthy, and incompetent. In the middle of it as a health care provider, I am fighting to maintain the balance of humility and compassion while groups are becoming unraveled and the paranoia of conspiracy theorists are weighing heavily on my internal morale to uphold the evidence of truth. The moral servants are being demonized. The racial attacks and shaming of Asian Americans are being fired from every direction. Even from our own kind, there is an internal cultural wounding for not doing and not being enough. But not everyone needs to be loud, as we are and we have been quietly doing the work for decades in the shadows, overlooked. The world is seeing very ugly times and to think Gee and I are soon having a child, Ang Datu (Peaceful Chief). I have spent many sleepless nights keeping surveillance over our building, alerting our cohort of vigilantes, and planning our defenses. And through those quiet nights alone, I have also shed tears for my future son—wondering, what kind of world are we bringing him into?
I wrote this poem for two reasons. First, in hopes that one day Ang will come across this piece when he is needing it most—when he is soul searching. And secondly, truly, it is for me to reference back to when doing my own soul searching as a father. Though I can’t control everything that happens in this world, I can control how I, as a human, respond to the turmoil. My hope is that I can be an everlasting example of humility, courage, grit, and grace for my future children. Published just in time for Father’s Day 2020, may this poetic message serve both son and father well—as the foundation towards building and reminding us of the ethics to one’s humanity.
